We Hate What We Fear

Yoda Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering Yoda

As the wonderful Star Wars character Yoda says, fear leads to anger, and anger leads to hate.

If we find ourselves hating, we can ask ourselves, “What is it that I am angry about?”

Then, we can take it a crucial step further: “What am I afraid of?”

How Can Others Help with Our Anger?

Everyday anger and hate are usually triggered by people who annoy us, whom we have decided we do not like, for whatever reason.  These people can be extremely useful to us psychologically.  They show us what we fear in ourselves.  Even deeper, they can show us what we deny ourselves, what we secretly desire most, but avoid out of fear, even terror.

Do I dislike loud people?  I might want to consider whether I allow myself to be loud, or if I fear punishment for letting myself be heard.

Do I hate gays and lesbians?  I might want to consider whether I have some desire for same-sex sexual contact, which I have been taught is bad and wrong, and should be violently suppressed.

Do I hate a certain race or ethnicity?  Am I angry with “Them” for some reason?  I might want to consider what it is that frightens me about “Them.”  Do they have freedoms that I do not, psychologically speaking?  Are they unafraid of what frightens me?  Do they represent what I want, deny myself, and so become afraid of.

Any way you look at it, the primary victim of anger, hate, fear and denied longings is none other than the person who is angry and hateful.

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Joseph Rhinewine, PhD. People collaborate with me to live life fully: with principle, passion and vigor. My expertise is providing and teaching Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an evidence-based, experiential and relational behavior therapy. I also apply Acceptance and Commitment processes to coaching those who wish to take their lives to a new level.

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